Like, wow. Like, crap.
Last year I was
a high school brat.
But now I'm here.
Hope I'm the one
you pick to cheer!
-Fantastic!
-I'm sorry. What?
Oh, nothing. Don't let me
slow you down. It's just,
Well, you're a surprise.
-How do you mean?
-You have great spirit.
But just a tad more volume,
if you would.
-I apologize.
-Continue.
Like, whoo. Like, whee.
I'm at the university.
I'm psyched. I'm here.
Hope I'm the one
you choose to cheer.
I yell real loud and make
the Stingers super proud!
Brilliant!
My dear, you are wonderful,
Cheer genius personified.
A real individual.
I'm joking, you spaz!
-Pardon me?
-That was a cheer?
That was the most boring,
unoriginal, biggest
piece of crap I've ever seen!
-You suck!
-[gasps]
[cackling]
[whimpering]
[cackling continues]
[screaming]
-Mom, where are we?
-Where are you, dear?
You finally made it.
You're in college.
[chattering]
Oh, man!
[techno music playing]
[hip-hop music playing]
C-Come on
The big game is just about
rockin'
[chattering]
Hi. Can you guys tell me
how to get to Bancroft Hall?
Hi. Can you tell me
how to get to,
Hi, girls.
Can you guys tell me
how to get to Bancroft,
Excuse me!
Hi. It's where some
of the cheerleaders
are staying.
Um, I'm trying out
for the team.
You girls don't cheer, do you?
First of all, it's women,
not girls.
-Oh.
-Second, um, we do
neo-modern ballet.
We don't wave pom-poms.
And third, we can't direct you
to Bancroft Hall,
because Nathaniel Bancroft
was a slave owner
and an imperialist!
Okay. Thanks.
Appreciate it.
-You're not giving up already,
are you?
-Monica!
[both giggling]
First day of college,
I'm already saving my roommate.
-You did not have to save me.
-I have been saving
your butt ever
since cheerleader camp.
Have not!
Really? I remember a time,
a spotter was out of position
and one of our cheerleaders,
was gonna do a face-plant.
-Who was that cheerleader
again?
-Okay. Okay. I get it.
[laughing] I think the score
is Monica, two.
Whittier, zero.
And, Bancroft Hall
is this way.
Did you know that
Nathaniel Bancroft
was a slave owner,
-and an imperialist?
-Our room has a ceiling fan.
[man] As well as paint
balloons, panty trees,
super-gluing faculty doors,
releasing lab animals,
and most important,
I'd like to remind you,
That if you must,
urinate,
please, do it in a toilet.
Do not, I repeat,
Do not urinate,
on an original manuscript
of The Canterbury Tales,
located in the school library.
-You writing this down?
-You'd think I wouldn't have
to say that.
The Nutcracker
is a patriarchal ballet.
Okay? The only good thing in
The Nutcracker are the rats,
and they die.
[grunting]
Shakespeare. Hamlet?
[chuckles sarcastically]
"Euripidie," Euri, Eur,
Euripides.
Lastly, we hope that
you take advantage
of the many extracurriculars,
here at the university.
Although I must report
we've had to cut funding,
to some of the more
non-essential programs,
on campus such
as the martial arts club,
the ballet society,
[gasps] Wha?
And the entire musical theater
department.
[man] That's a worthwhile
program!
Fortunately, we haven't
had to cut any money
from our two prized programs,
-The football team,
-That's right! [barking]
-Yeah!
-And, your seven-time,
defending collegiate champion
Stinger cheerleading squad!
-Yea!
-Let's hear it for our heroes!
[cheering continues]
[students chanting]
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Hey, everybody!
I'm Tina Hammersmith!
[excited squeal]
Y'all ready to rock
the body electric?
-Ahhh!
-Let's get this party started!
Five, six, seven, eight!
[techno pop playing]
[girl] Whoo!
[girl] Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
You go, girl!
[cheerleaders]
Two, three, four,
Stingers in the house!
We're on the attack!
-That's right!
-Got no extra fat!
-We don't eat Big Macs!
-It's gross!
-Step to us!
You might get smacked!
-[Tina] Whacked!
We got more game
than the man they call Shaq!
The moonwalk! The twist!
The shake and bake!
The what?
We can do it all right here
at State!
Strap yourself in
so your mind won't blow!
Sit back,
relax and enjoy the show!
What's wrong with you people?
Stop it!
Yeah! Stingers!
-This is terrible.
-What do you mean "terrible"?
-They're perfect.
-I know.
That's what's terrible.
They are perfect.
Speaking of perfect.
You ever checked out
your own ass?
-Whoa!
-Gross!
-Just pay him no mind.
-No. No. I think
we should pay him mind.
-I mean, this,
this man has a lot to say.
-I do.
-I have a lot to say.
-He's a unique individual.
-Very unique individual.
-With his own thoughts
and ideas.
My own thoughts. My own ideas.
-Who would never make
a fool of himself.
-Never ever,
make a fool of myself.
Even if he was blindly
mimicking whatever I said.
-Even if I was blindly...
-[laughs]
Hey, punk. Be watchin' you.
Smart guy.
-Thank you.
-No problem.
Belly ring? No belly ring?
It's a cheerleading tryout.
They're going to be looking
at your moves,
-not your body jewelry.
-Oh, I know.
But here's my theory,
if they concentrate
on my belly,
they won't recognize
if I mess up on my back
handsprings.
Whit, you're not gonna mess up.
I've seen your cheer skills.
They're for real.
Maybe for high school,
but this is college.
And in college
you have to be the poo.
Well, that shaggy boy
at orientation
sure thought you were the poo.
[giggles]
He was all on you like ugly
on an Osbourne.
Him?
You think?
He did smile at me.
Mm-hmm.
But I can't lose
my concentration. I've really
got to focus on tomorrow.
I got to work on my cheer
moves. Hit it, girl.
[rock music playing]
[giggling]
Before we begin,
I want you to know
that just by trying out today,
you're already a winner.
[giggling]
Unless, of course, you get cut.
In which case,
technically you're a loser.
[clears throat]
-[camera whirs]
-So, go for it.
Okay, I'll start with
a simple aerial.
No, I was thinking more
of a front handspring,
back handspring,
front handspring,
back handspring,
front handspring,
back handspring,
Okay! Give me an "S-S."
Give me a "T-R." Err!
[man rapping]
[indistinct]
[rapping continues]
That was awesome.
So, do you got any good cheers?
-I got something for ya.
I got a little shout out.
-You got a what?
I got to give a shout out to
all my people, baby! Whoo!
I'm flossin'! You can't see me.
I got the ice.
It's just blindin' ya!
Peace, and I'm out!
Back handspring,
front handspring, cartwheel,
back handspring, cartwheel,
[continues]
Give me an "S-S."
Give me a "T-R."
I just screwed up again!
Dang it! I can't believe it!
No!
Just kill me right now! Bam!
Haha! Please?
Front handspring, cartwheel,
back handspring, back
handspring, cartwheel,
Ooh.
-Ohh, yeah!
-Oh, my God.
Thanks for coming.
[camera whirs]
And lastly, Smith, comma,
Whittier.
-Okay. So,
-Wait.
-What is it?
-That thing.
That shiny offensive thing,
midsection.
-Oh, that's my belly ring.
-Lose it immediately.
Okay. Sorry.
[scoffs]
[ring rattles]
[rolls across floors]
[Whittier] Okay.
-Um.
-[clattering]
-Okay. Are you ready?
-How about, are you ready?
I think so.
Here I go! Hit it!
[up-tempo scratch mix playing]
[panting]
-How's that?
-Thank you.
-[woman] Sheila.
-[Tina] Too fat.
-Kenny.
-Too dorky.
-Brenda.
-[together] Psycho!
-Cindy.
-Snaggletooth.
-Carol-Ann.
-Eczema.
It's called lotion.
-Theo.
-Too gay!
-Patrick?
-Not gay enough.
[chuckles] And finally,
Whittier.
-She's okay.
-Okay?
Marni, she's future head
cheerleader material.
Memo, pink ink, we already
have our
future head cheerleader. Hi.
[chuckles] The only difference
being, she's cute.
Yeah, she's cute the way
a smushed-up bug on the bottom
of your shoe is cute.
Oh, and excuse me.
Did you see her blond hair?
So fake!
[scoffs]
Well, if that's not the pot
calling the kettle blond.
Ohh! I was,
I was born with dark roots.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, anyway,
I'd be all over her.
-You know,
if she had a schwinger.
-Maybe she does.
[Tina] Enough!
You two bitches can catfight
all night long, but I'm the one
that makes the decisions here.
Until I do, you're dismissed.
Leave me.
Ow! [coughs]
-No time for rest, cherub.
-Dean Sebastian.
-I didn't know you were here.
-I've been here six hours.
Saw every last peppy pigtail
that passed through this place.
-Pretty ugly, huh? [chuckles]
-Some were ugly.
Some were hideous.
While others were sublime.
I'm talking about State's
next head cheerleader.
Smith, comma, Whittier.
Whittier can't be head
cheerleader next year.
-She's just a freshman.
-She's just good is
what she is.
But the head cheerleader spot
is reserved for Marni.
Tina!
The State cheerleading squad
has won,
seven consecutive national
titles,
which over that time has
tripled alumni donations,
and allowed me the life
to which I am accustomed.
Just last year, I upgraded,
from an '88 Jetta
to a 2003 Passat.
-Wow.
-I'm not about to throw
all that away,
over some brown-nosing
mediocrity named Marni.
Whittier might have
what it takes,
but she's awfully raw.
That, dear,
is why you must mold her.
Shape her.
Twist her like Silly Putty.
If you make her half as great
as you are,
the national title
will stay here
for years to come.
-Remember the school motto,
-Whatever it takes.
-I can't hear you.
-[stamps floor]
Whatever it takes!
Welcome to the team.
[Whittier squealing]
Welcome to the team.
[girls squealing]
Welcome to the,
Oh, uh, this is a size four.
Is that gonna be too small
for you? Kidding!
Kidding! Get outta here.
Welcome to the team.
Wait! This isn't a uniform.
These are towels.
You're very perceptive,
aren't you?
But aren't I on the team?
Of course you're on the team.
As a towel girl.
It's an honor.
How is it an honor?
[incredulous chuckle]
Say there is no towel girl.
Say Greg hoists Tina
up into a cupie,
and there is no one
to towel off his sweaty hands.
Tina slips. Tina falls and,
and lands on her spinal cord,
and she spends the rest
of her life doing watercolors
with her teeth.
Do you want that to happen?
I guess not.
Hmm.
I didn't think so.
[chattering]
Man, these colors are hype!
I am never taking this off.
-Even after you're dead
in the ground?
-Totally.
-[both laughing]
-[locker door slams]
Congratulations,
my little pumpkins.
You have now joined
the best of the best
of the best.
Here's Marni with some
light reading.
Now, study those rule books and
wear those uniforms with pride.
People have given their ankles,
ligaments, collarbones,
in service to those
very uniforms you have on
your taut little bodies.
'Cause from here on out
you must be
the "bomb diggity."
You must eat leaner,
train meaner, jump higher,
yell louder and out-pep anyone
who stands in your way.
You must brush better,
floss better, lather,
rinse and repeat better,
In other words,
you must be better
in every aspect of your life.
Are you ready for all that?
Whittier?
Uh. Uh. Uh,
[up-tempo pop rock plays]
-I'm gonna
catch you guys later.
-All right.
Is, [clears throat]
Is everything okay up there?
Again. Four, five, six,
seven, eight.
Is everything okay up there?
Hey, you're the orientation
guy!
Yeah, Orientation Guy
is my given name.
But, um, it's not my real name.
My friends call me Derek.
Well, hi, Derek. I'm Whittier.
Whittier? I like it.
It's nice.
Thank you.
-You want to do something
illegal?
-What?
Do you want to
do something illegal?
[man] Shut up!
Uhh. Okay.
Really?
What kind of girl are you?
[laughs] Stop!
Whoa!
[grunts]
No way. No.
You're a cheerleader.
You get thrown three stories
in the air every day.
Tina would kill me
if I sprained an ankle.
-Who's Tina?
-Our head cheerleader.
She's got rules against this
kind of thing.
It's all in the manual.
And you've gotta
follow the rules.
Well, do you see Tina
anywhere around here?
No.
[giggles]
[Derek groaning]
[Whittier] Sorry. Are you okay?
Are we allowed to be in here?
2:00 a.m.'s the only good time
to swim.
The rest of the time,
I'm working.
Where?
Well, I do work-study
in the cafeteria.
Part-time in an audio store.
Full-time as a student.
And the rest of the time
as a mix-master.
What's a mix-master?
It's a turn-tablist.
What's a turn-tablist?
It's a DJ.
I knew that.
[both laughing]
Oh, hey. I'm not into you
like that. I,
No, I didn't, I,
[both laughing]
-Well, then I'm leaving.
I'm out.
-Okay. Fine. Fine.
It's over.
Okay. Well, okay, [laughs]
Why do you work so much?
I work so much,
because my dad wouldn't pay my
tuition unless
I declared premed.
And you didn't want
to be a doctor, so...
So, I work.
Well, you know what they say
about men who work too hard.
They become tired, boring,
and in the process they lose
all their spontaneity.
Derek, are you tired?
No. You're boring! [giggling]
You are boring.
-Boring, my ass!
-[squeals]
-Whoo!
-[laughs]
God, you look great
under water.
Well, did I tell you
I'm a cheerleader?
[laughs] Yeah.
I think we covered that.
Did we talk about
your 10,000 part-time jobs?
Yeah. I think a while back.
Oh.
Well, was there anything else
that we needed to cover?
Well, there was
one thing I wanted to.
[whimpers]
I gotta go.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't you want to stay and,
you know, swim a little more?
I think my roommate might be
getting worried about me.
Why would she be worried?
Because you're turning me
into a criminal.
Whit, Whittier,
I could get hypothermia
without you here!
[yells]
And five, six, seven, eight!
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight!
One!
Girls, put your hands
on your hips.
Suzy, how about suckin'
in the arm flab?
Thank you.
Claire, sweetie,
two eyebrows
are better than one.
Think I gave you the memo.
Oh, my God! Monica!
Time for some damage control
on that ass!
For a minute there,
I thought I was looking
at a Hefty Bag
full of chili dogs! Ha!
Greg! How about
the happy cheer face
now, huh?
This is my happy cheer face.
That's not a happy smile!
That's a hate smile.
[whispers] Is it that obvious,
-bitch?
-All right. Pop-off on two.
One, two and, down.
[grunting]
[snickering]
[Tina] Five, six, seven, eight!
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, again!
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, again!
One, two, three, four,
You suck so much,
I can't stand you! Again!
Go! Faster, faster, faster,
faster, faster!
Come on, you Sasquatch!
Let's go!
Come on, Monica!
Show me a herkie! Let's see it!
Let's see it! What is that?
Push. Push! [grunting]
-[straining]
-This weight is a car,
and it is pressed on top
of your mother!
Lift it off your mom!
[screaming] Lift it off her!
Lift it off her!
-Too late. She's dead.
-[whimpers]
[Tina] What is this,
a bowl of Jell-O
I'm looking at?
Whit, that water is not
from the French Alps!
Down for 10,
and six and seven and eight!
[grunting]
[cries out]
You guys are looking
so great today.
[chuckles]
I'm just kidding.
You look like crap.
All right, Monica and Whittier,
get ready
for a pop-off on four.
Hey, you wanna do a cradle
off the back?
You want to?
Yeah.
Ready? One, two, three, four.
[giggling]
What the hell was that?
I asked for a simple pop-off!
Was that a simple pop-off?
I'm very curious to know,
Monica.
Was that or was that
not a pop-off?
Settle down, Tina.
We were giving the routine
a little flavor,
a little individuality.
A little flavor?
A little individuality?
[laughs] Missy, you are
no longer an individual.
All right?
You are a very small,
little minute part,
Of a very big-ass machine!
And that machine
has my name on it.
You got it?
We're sorry.
Not good enough, Whittier.
Meet me in my office. 0800.
Is that the address?
She's waiting for you.
Come on, this way.
Tina, I'm really sorry about
what happened in practice.
Shut the door.
Did you know that, um,
George W. Bush was
a cheerleader in college?
Actually, I did.
Ronald Reagan
was also a cheerleader.
So was Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The three greatest presidents
of the last 200 years,
all cheerleaders.
Was Ronald Reagan
really one of the top three?
Top 40. My point is this.
From great cheerleaders
come even greater leaders.
You may be a great cheerleader,
Whittier,
but you are not a great leader.
I know,
and I'm really trying hard.
See these portraits
on the wall?
A 98-year tradition
of cheerleading
excellence at CSC.
Starting back
with the remarkable
Margaret Whiting in 1938.
What's she doing?
An arabesque.
You can't tell
under the hoopskirt.
All the way up to the fantastic
Hammersmith dynasty of today.
These are your sisters?
Yep.
They're all part
of a grand legacy
with no end in sight.
That last empty frame right
there is reserved,
for the head cheerleader
who will take our place,
our next leader.
Marni.
It could be Marni. [chuckles]
Or it could be Greg. Whoo.
Or as I've been
thinking lately,
it could be you.
Yeah, right.
I'm serious, Whittier.
But I completely messed up
in practice.
I thought you called me in here
to kick me off the team.
Oh, I haven't totally ruled
that out yet.
I don't know.
I just expect more out
of you than the others.
Certainly more than
your friend, Monica.
Monica was just messing around.
Wait till game day.
She'll be perfect.
Oh, really? She's gonna
be great on game
day? Monica is a sinking ship!
To be a great cheerleader
you have to make sacrifices.
And I suggest you start
with her.
Do you mean not being friends
with her?
'Cause we're roommates.
Listen, sweetie.
Being head cheerleader
is a privilege you should
very much want.
I mean, [chuckles]
students have posters of me
on their walls.
They pay hundreds of dollars,
320 to be exact,
just to get my number.
They raffle off the right
to carry
my books to class. [laughs]
[chuckling] It's so silly.
Foreign exchange students
literally
beg to do my homework,
Straight A's.
All this could be yours.
You could be the greatest thing
on this campus,
The next me. [chuckles]
Whoa.
But I don't know.
It's all a question of how bad
you really want it.
I mean, for starters,
you're gonna have to shine
at the home opener
this weekend.
Literally millions
will be watching you.
But most importantly,
I will be watching you.
I'm tired now.
Handing out all those towels
has made my arms
feel like soggy Jell-O.
I'm too tired to point out
how dumb that sounds.
-Hey, guys.
-[gasps]
Hey, Britney Spaz.
[giggles] Why are you so happy?
Didn't Tina just rip
you a new,
I can't say what.
Actually, and, ladies,
please keep this a secret,
Tina told me that
if I work really hard,
and I play my cards right,
I could become
head cheerleader.
Congratulations, Whittier!
Yeah, that's great!
You're not bummed, are you?
No. I don't want
to be head cheerleader.
I'm just flossin' my moves
until I make it as a dancer
on J.Lo's next tour.
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
What?
Tina made a lot of sense
in practice the other day.
There is a big difference
between individual
dance moves and, Oh, my gosh!
What?
There's over 680 calories
in that. Not to mention
35 grams of saturated fat.
That must've been
a real special talk
you had with Tina back there.
Too bad your Jedi mind tricks
couldn't fend
off the dark side of the force.
Monica, if you want
to be the bomb diggity,
you have got to act like
the bomb diggity,
and Tina is the bomb diggity!
Did she just say,
"bomb diggity"
three times in one sentence?
[crowd cheering]
[P.A.Announcer] Your halftime
score is Stingers, 17.
Willowcrest, nine.
[Monica] No, I'm serious.
We're the ones with
all the pressure.
Pressure? No, girly, you don't
know what real pressure is!
You see, I got to go out there
first. Just me.
Solo. And if these
50,000 people don't
buy into the whole illusion
of who I am
and what I represent,
you guys are toast!
Aren't you just a big bug?
Correction!
I am a hunting wasp,
of the order hymenoptera,
with a deadly
venomous ovipositor!
Do you know what that is?
Well, I'll tell ya!
It's a deadly stinger, bitch!
Bug!
Stay in the zone, Sammy.
You stay in the zone.
Chest out! Ponytail, no.
Up-do, yes.
Sweetie, no double earrings.
You're a State cheerleader,
not a State hooker.
[mimicking beatbox]
♪ Go, go, go, Stingers ♪
[beatbox]
♪ Go-go, go-go-go
Uh-oh, the Stingers ♪
Remember, Whit.
Head cheerleader.
What do you mean
"head cheerleader"?
I'm the next head cheerleader.
I am!
Focus on the performance.
-I am not gonna focus
on the performance!
-Focus!
No, I'm not gonna focus!
I won't!
I don't mean that.
Please don't hate me!
Tina, please don't hate me!
Hey, I don't hate you, Marni.
Shut up!
[beatbox]
♪ Sammy ♪
[beatbox]
♪ Here comes Sammy ♪
[P.A.Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
we ask you
to turn your attention
to the multi-champion...
Show time.
...Stinger cheerleaders
and their "Stingtacular"
halftime show!
Yeah! Come on! Let's go!
Let's get it on, Stingers!
Number one!
Number one! Yeah!
[P.A.Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
say hello to Sammy Stinger,
and your Stinger cheerleaders!
Let's go, Stingers! Whoa!
[man] Hit it!
[techno pop playing]
♪ Turn the beat back
Come on, turn the beat back ♪
♪ Turn the beat back ♪
♪ Come on
Turn the beat back ♪
♪ Come on, turn the beat back
Turn the beat back ♪
♪ Come on, turn the beat back
Come on, turn the beat back ♪
♪ Turn the beat back ♪
♪ Free, free
Free-free-free ♪
Let's go, Stingers!
[crowd cheering]
-[all] Stingers!
-[cheering]
Let's go, Stingers!
[all] Ohh! Ho-ho!
Go back! Go back!
Let's see it again!
Go, Stingers!
[laughing]
One more time. One more time.
Tina, she's here.
Hey, baby.
[crowd] Way to go, Whittier!
[man shouting] Hey, Whittier!
Hi.
Whittier, right?
Jackson. Senior,
with the Boxster out front?
I was wondering if--
We just saw the video,
and we were like,
"That is the shizzle,"
and we--
Okay, okay, okay.
You two, hands off.
This is my party,
my cheerleader.
So, great facial on TV today.
Sticking your tongue out
on camera,
totally inspired.
You think?
O.M.G, it was T.D.F., F.Y.I.
Whittier, this is Todd.
Starting wide receiver, 6'1",
3.2 G.P.A., runs a 4.6 forty.
4.5 forty.
[both laughing]
-How ya doin'?
-Uh, good. [gasps]
And it just doesn't happen.
He said he was a good listener.
Hi, Marni.
Would you like an appetizer?
But he wasn't a good listener.
[indistinct with mouth full]
Here. How about a towel?
[continuous talking]
[grunts]
I'm sorry!
Sorry.
Would you like an appetizer?
This is why I go to the trouble
of hosting all these parties.
So guys like you can mingle
with girls like you.
So mingle. Blaine!
Eh, really nice touchdown
catch today.
Homeboy didn't want to play
the rest of the game.
Got taken off on a stretcher.
The quarterback's
all staring at me.
I'm like, "Oh, boy, I'm gonna
hit you so hard, your mama's
gonna feel it!" Right?
We broke from the huddle,
Hi, Whittier.
Would you like an appetizer?
I'm okay. Thank you.
How about a towel?
Then they motioned into a slot.
That's when I knew
the running back
was gonna do an up-and-under
pattern behind the linebacker.
And he's--
You know, that's,
Great, really.
Do you mind if
for the next minute,
we talk about something other
than football?
Uh, I'm sorry. It's my bad.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
So, Tina, um,
tells me you're a "C" cup.
[people chattering]
Oh, dude, check out
the brunette. Sweet!
Yeah, she's hot.
She was not gonna be
head cheerleader. And...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Check out the blond right
over there.
-Where? Where?
-The dude right over there.
What do you mean, "dude"?
-Hey, you know what?
-The one with the great legs!
I bet he could leg-press
a mule.
Oh, man!
What? Oh, you,
you didn't know?
Listen.
I got nothin' against
your kind of people.
It's just football rules.
I gotta kick your ass now.
That sounds like a party.
You should know, though,
I bench-press 220.
Whatever, dude. 235.
Can we talk? Now?
-Pardon us.
-Thank you.
Yo! Dewey!
Okay, let's blow this joint.
-Mon, Mon, Mon. Don't go yet.
-Whit!
We cheered
on national television.
This is our coming-out party.
Blue!
Hey, excuse me.
Uh, I'm looking for a girl
named Whittier.
She's about yea tall.
She's blond, super-cute.
Well, look who it is,
smart guy.
Why don't you say
something smart, smart guy?
Yeah, okay. How about something
foreign and exotic like adios.
Hey, don't. Chill, big guy!
[scoffs]
God!
Besides, there are some
good people here too, and
they're here to celebrate us!
Yeah, they want
to celebrate all over us.
[gasps] Derek!
-Hey, Monica.
-Hi, hottie.
-I didn't think you were
gonna make it.
-Yeah.
How'd you get past
the goon squad?
Guile, cunning, cowardice.
[chuckles]
[coos]
You, scruffy boy.
Out. This party is exclusivo.
No, it's okay. He's with me.
We're together.
Who's he?
This is Derek. He's a DJ.
[laughs]
There are, like,
10,000 hot varsity
football players inside,
and you're snuggling up
to a DJ?
How edgy.
What's wrong with a DJ?
Honey, oh. There's a logical
order to the college universe,
and the sooner you learn it,
the better.
See, way up here
at the top of the ladder
are football players.
-Right.
-They rule.
Just underneath them
are basketball players.
Smaller biceps
but still desirable.
Then, soccer hunks,
lacrosse studs,
fraternity presidents.
Ohh, Fraternity keg-masters,
guys with cars
with parking passes,
guys with cars without
parking passes,
kind of a waste of time,
-[man] Love your dress, Tina!
-Black Student Union
activists,
Hey! Bruce Lee fan clubbers,
lit-mag squares,
pep-band dorks,
um, film society toads,
campus ministers,
school mascots,
and then, God, all the way
at the bottom,
are campus DJ's.
One spot above cafeteria
workers.
Actually, I work
at the cafeteria too.
Oh, do you?
Tsk. That's hopeless.
Listen, Whit.
Remember our little "discush"
the other day?
You have to decide,
are you with us,
or are you with him?
I'm sorry.
Derek, I...
Oh, I get it. Yeah.
-Oops.
-But, I'll call you!
I can't believe
you just did that!
Oh, she did the right thing.
She stuck with the winners.
Excuse me? You think
you're a winner because
you got a bunch of idiots,
Up your bomb diggity butt?
Excuse me?
Whittier!
-Are you coming?
-Yeah.
[Tina] What are you looking at?
-[woman] What's her problem?
-[man] Drama queen.
So Doc says if I sprain
my hip-flexor one more time,
I can kiss my herkie good-bye.
-Hey, you guys.
-Hey.
Greg, can you help me
stretch my hamstrings?
Yeah.
[snapping fingers]
-Look, about the party--
-On your feet.
Practice has started.
Today we're gonna work
on manners and respect.
Because some of you don't know
how to behave
at a team function.
Some of you don't show proper
manners to a head cheerleader.
Some of you don't show respect
to the concept of team unity.
Come on.
Oh, good! Monica.
We'll start with you.
-[woman] Here we go.
-What do you got?
Front handspring round-off,
back handspring toe touch.
[synthesized pop]
-Stop the music!
-[stops]
Is that all you got?
-And again!
-[resumes]
Round-off back handspring,
back tuck.
-Music stop!
-[stops]
And again!
Herkie!
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
[Monica groans]
Herkie! Herkie! Herkie!
No one touch her!
[stops]
I'm not done with you yet,
Monica!
To be a real cheerleader--
Tina, why don't you
give it a rest?
Not now, Greg!
I said give it a rest!
[exhales] Okay. All right.
[sighs] You're right.
I should, I should,
I should give it a rest.
Whittier, call out the steps.
What, me?
You heard me.
That's what leaders do.
-But Monica--
-Call out the steps.
Call them out!
No!
Listen, freshman.
I put you in that uniform,
and I can take you
right out of it!
Call the steps,
or you're off the team.
Then I'm off the team.
Wh-What?
-[nervous giggle]
-You heard me. I quit!
I quit too.
That's right. I quit too.
Greg, you'll lose your
cheerleading scholarship.
That's right! I'm stayin' here,
but under a cloud of shame.
Tina.
You can have this back
because it's supposed
to show team spirit.
It's supposed to make us
feel proud,
but I just feel guilty
and stupid!
So you can have your skirt
and your spankies and your top.
I'm out of here!
I need this to get home.
I'll bring it back
when it's dry-cleaned.
[mouths words]
Bye, Miss Bomb Diggity.
[huffs] She'll be back.
She's not coming back!
[sighs]
It's only Whittier.
Ice cream, Super Fudge Chunk.
-No!
-Ice cream!
-All right!
-Stupid.
[spectators yelling]
[cheering]
-Hey.
[woman] Run! Run! All right,
take home! Take home!
[groans]
Our team sucks!
Whittier, quit worrying
about the game,
and enjoy the sunshine.
The sun sucks.
Whittier, don't you know
that the sun
is nature's Prozac?
Do you really think
the sun is gonna make me
feel better
about giving up
the most important thing
in my life?
No, but I'm out of real Prozac,
so you're gonna have to deal.
I ruined my career
as a cheerleader.
I ruined my relationship
with Derek.
I could've had a boyfriend.
I ruined my entire life!
Yeah, I feel better.
Anyone want to hit the library?
Ooh, I'll go with.
This place is starting
to weird me out anyway.
Women's softball,
I just don't get it.
[chuckles] Whittier,
it'll be okay.
I know. Thank you.
You'll be fine, girl!
Trust me.
[woman] Come on.
Let's go, Stingers.
[yelling]
[cheering]
[grunts]
[woman] Nice job.
Nice way to take the base.
[woman] Batter up!
[rhythmic hissing]
[bell tolling in distance]
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
[subdued cheering]
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!
We got Stinger spirit!
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!
-What's going on?
-We got Stinger spirit!
[clapping]
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it!
[all] We got Stinger spirit!
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit!
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit.
Come on, y'all. Let's hear it.
We got Stinger spirit!
[cheering]
[woman] Yeah.
-[whistle blows]
-Yes!
Number one! Number one!
[all cheering]
Let's go, Stingers! Let's go!
[cheering continues]
Those are my girls!
Go, Stingers!
[man] Whoa! Whoa!
Monica! Monica!
I got it!
You got,
you got what?
We're gonna
start our own squad.
-Oh, shut up.
-No, no. I'm serious.
Our own squad.
New and improved.
-Shut up!
-No. For real! Come on!
Let's go!
Are you sure you put
the audition time on the flyer?
Yes.
Okay, because it was an hour
and a half ago.
I put the time on there.
Okay. Well, what color paper
did you use?
I already told you.
Lemon yellow.
You should have used
wild berry pink.
Wild berry pink always
gets people to show up.
Why are you all up
in my grille?
Do you see me asking
what color markers
you used for the big signs?
Black and gold.
With glitter?
No.
Whit, what is a sign
without glitter?
That is why nobody showed up!
-[distant chattering]
-Shh. Shh.
[chattering continues]
Do you hear that?
Someone's coming.
You ladies ready for my dope?
I don't know what that was.
Our new-and-improved squad
lasted exactly 97 minutes.
Don't give up yet.
I mean, maybe we'll find
some talent.
Where? All the cheerleaders
on campus
are already cheerleaders.
Then I don't know.
It's not like we're gonna run
into a group of people
just spontaneously
shouting out cheers.
[people shouting cheers]
[cheering continues]
-Yes!
-[man] What do we want?
[crowd] Justice!
When do we want it?
[all] Now!
[man] And how will we get it?
By standing
outside the dean's office,
[voices overlapping]
Sorry, what?
I have no idea
what you just said.
Who in the hell
are these people?
It's the extracurricular
groups,
the ones that lost their
practice space when the dean
took away their funding.
Justice!
Man, they got jacked.
And how will we get it?
By standing outside
the dean's office...
[voices overlapping]
You guys suck.
First of all, I want
to thank you guys all
for coming here today to this,
what's the word I'm looking
for? Hi.
Shit-hole?
Thanks.
It's the only place that
we could find to meet.
So, anyway...
[insect buzzing]
...today we're starting
a new cheerleading club
on campus.
Why cheerleading, you say?
Because cheerleading is fun.
And it fosters school spirit.
And it also keeps you
physically fit.
So, what do you guys say?
Are you ready to cheer?
Yeah!
Yes?
Most of my pieces
involve anguish
as a theme.
Do you have any cheers
about anguish?
-Yeah.
Well, we have one that
goes like this. Ready?
Okay!
[both] That's all right!
That's okay!
So that one kind of addresses
the issue of anguish, kind of.
But other than that,
not really.
[clears throat]
What about soliloquies?
Well, we don't really have--
And what about accents?
Because I am the master
of accents.
No. See, what we do
is cheerleading.
-Then I'm out.
-Me too.
No, no, no. Hold on because...
Hold on for one second.
Wait, you guys.
-Something Whittier forgot--
-Hey. Wait.
Something Whittier forgot
to tell you all is
if we're good, we can
go to nationals.
Now, if we go to nationals,
we could win.
If we win, we get a check
for $20,000.
Now, Penelope,
you could use that money
to rent rehearsal space.
And, Francis,
you could mount up
a production of Godspell
where everyone
has a French accent.
Interesting.
Plus, we're gonna be
a real squad too.
On our squad, you're gonna
be able to
do whatever you want,
you're going to be able
to do your own thing.
And if we're good,
we can stamp out the varsity
cheerleading squad once
and for all.
-Where do we sign up?
-Right over there.
Oh, yeah.
Girl, I've been saving you
ever since cheerleader camp.
You did not have to save me.
-I think the score is now
Whittier, zero.
-Monica, three.
Thanks.
[giggling] Come on, silly.
This is so "ridic."
Do they actually think
they're a real cheer squad now?
They're real cheerleaders
in the same way that
Joan Rivers has a real face.
We have to crush them.
We have to take their heads
and grind them into the mud,
and then stomp on their backs
and then drive over them
with a Jeep Cherokee S.U.V.
Marni, geez. Take a pill
of the chill variety, okay?
[scoffs] We don't need
to do anything.
We cannot have a competing
spirit squad on campus, Tina.
Trust me, they won't be
a threat to us.
They're nothing
but a support group
for rejects and losers.
Besides, [chuckles]
how 'bout that practice space?
[both chuckling]
[gagging]
And right, left, clap.
Right, clap. Left, clap.
Come on, you guys.
Step left. Step right.
A little bit tighter, Penelope.
-Little bit tighter.
-Stand back, woman.
I need at least a three
to five-foot radius,
Oh, my.
[rock music playing]
♪ When I rock like this
Rock like this ♪
♪ When I rock like this
When I rock like this
it's rhythm ♪
Roll. Roll.
♪ Rock like this
Rock like this ♪
♪ When I rock like this
When I rock like this
it's rhythm ♪
Follow me.
Good. Now try three claps
into a high "V."
[groans]
[all gasping]
-Okay, guys. And five, six,
seven, eight.
-[whimpering]
Grab one, two, Down,
Three, four, Up, Five, six.
Good.
-[Whittier] Okay, stand up now.
Good.
-[Monica] Stand up. Yeah.
Can you guys just turn around?
Yeah. Face us.
[Whittier] Hold your stomach.
Squeeze your butt.
-Don't look down. No, no, no.
-Good. Good. Great.
[groaning] Catch me!
[crash]
Okay. This is a basic pyramid.
-Matthew, you'll take the wing
position here.
-Yeah.
Got it.
Penelope, you're gonna swing
around here,
And start your stunt there,
okay?
I can't be an "O."
You can't be an "O"?
O's represent emptiness.
And by making me an "O,"
you're calling me empty.
That's insane. Okay?
Uh, O's don't represent
emptiness.
They represent hugs.
And X's are kisses.
Everyone knows that.
[scoffs]
[Whittier]
Up. Up. Lock your legs.
-Good.
-Yes! Tighter.
♪ When I rock like this ♪
[continues]
Double base extension. Ready?
Five, six, seven, eight.
[both] One, two and three,
four. Up.
-Good job. Bring in the legs.
-[Monica] Okay. You got it.
Don't look down.
-Don't look down.
-No, no, no, no.
Hey. You know, I think I,
[groans]
♪ Rock like this
Rock like this
Rock like this ♪
♪ When I rock like this
Rock like this
When I rock like this ♪
♪ Rock like this
When I rock like this
Rock like this ♪
♪ Rock like this
Rock like this
Rock, rock, rock, rock ♪
♪ R-R-R-R-R-R-Rock ♪
[rock music playing]
[knocking]
What's up, girl?
So what's going on?
What?
I said, "What's going--"
Sorry.
♪ Sometimes ♪
What?
♪ I wake up early
To say good-bye ♪
What's going on?
Oh, not much. How 'bout you?
Well, we have this
new cheerleading squad.
-Yeah. So I heard.
-And we're improving.
We're just missing something.
We don't have any rhythm.
You know, no backbeat to help
us bring it all together.
But if we had a great DJ...
[continues]
Look, I got three jobs,
this radio gig,
two advanced lit classes,
I know it would mean
a lot to Whittier.
[music continues]
Look, she feels really bad
about what happened.
She's looking for a way
to reconnect with you.
[music ending]
Hold on. I gotta intro
this next tune.
That, my friends,
was the bitchin' sound
of The Promise Ring.
This next track is dedicated
to all the guys out there
whose hearts have been
ripped out of their chests
and devoured for breakfast
by cute, peppy, social-climbing
blond girls.
Give me a "Hey." Give me
a "Ho." Give me a "I don't know
you anymore."
I know it sucks.
What was your question?
Forget it.
[man singing]
[indistinct]
[continues]
Dear Lord, help us kick
almighty ass today
in our debut as a spirit squad.
Help us to perform the double
back handspring into
a back tuck as majestically
as your only son Jesus would.
This is a big sporting
event for us.
Guide us in leading
this team to victory.
Bring it in.
One, two, three!
[all] Renegades!
Come on. Croquet.
-[cheering]
-[clapping]
[Francis] Croquet! Yes!
Come on! Croquet! Let's go!
Let's go, croquet!
That's right!
[cheering continues]
[man] Yeah. Come on, cricket!
-Ready? Okay!
-Okay!
[all] That's all right.
It's croquet. We're gonna...
[voices overlapping]
Come on! Come on!
Yeah! Let's go! Yeah!
-Croquet!
-Number one!
[Whittier]
Let's go, croquet! Let's go!
That's right, croquet!
Let's go!
[man] Whoo! Yeah! Let's do it.
All right.
[Whittier] Let's go, croquet!
Let's go!
[all cheering]
[cheering continues]
[man] Hit that ball!
Hit that ball!
Take that ball and hit it.
What I say? Now whack it.
Yeah, now that's the ticket.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
[voices overlapping]
Croquet! Come on!
Is, uh, all this noise
bothering you, pal?
The noise I can take.
It's the suckiness
that bothers me.
[sighs]
[rock music playing]
[vehicle approaching]
[rock music continues]
♪ Hit it ♪
♪ Hit, hit ♪
Let's hit it!
[Whittier] Five, six, seven,
eight.
[Monica] Five, six, seven,
eight.
♪ Tell me what we need ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪ Tell me what we breathe ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪ Tell me what we bleed ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪ Tell me what we need ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪ Tell me what we breathe ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪ Tell me what you see ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
♪Tell me what we need ♪
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
Hell, yeah!
♪ Stinger pride
Stinger pride ♪
[cheering]
[cheering continues]
Cola beverage, diet.
Wipe the spittle.
They look foolish. I mean,
really.
What do they have?
They have enthusiasm.
So do we!
And they have the love
of the crowd. Do we?
-Don't even think that thought.
-I'm just saying.
And I'm just saying,
A person goes against his team,
and he could lose his
cheerleading scholarship.
Let's go. We've got work to do.
[Tina] Now, Greg!
[bell tolling]
That herkie into a cupie
just before we spread
the rubber with it,
that was almost as moving
as the helicopter landing
in Miss Saigon.
Yeah. I, I know. For a moment
there, at the end...
Yeah!
...when we won, I experienced
an emotion,
that I can only describe
as moderate happiness.
How did you know where
we were gonna be?
You told him?
-Whittier, zero.
-Monica, four.
Thanks.
Your, uh, squad, is gonna have
a real tough time
winning nationals,
when, technically speaking,
you don't exist.
[scoffs] Look around.
I'd say we exist.
Who are you?
Shh, It's called a razor,
scruffy boy.
You don't exist according
to a little thing
called Section Eight
of the National Collegiate
Cheer Association Bylaws.
Yeah. It states that, um,
each university,
shall be represented by one,
and only one,
O-N-E, cheer squad.
You can't do this to us.
So make like a Tom and cruise.
This is modern-day imperialism.
Boo freaking hoo.
Uh, you missed something,
sweetie.
It does say that only
one team from State
can go to nationals.
Si.
But it doesn't say which team.
That team could be us.
[huffs]
Even if all that is true,
it doesn't matter.
Mmm-hmm.
Varsity has been going
to nationals forever.
That is not gonna change.
It just might.
Looks like we're at an impasse.
So how 'bout you and
I just figure this
out right now.
Where did you get that?
That does not belong to you.
Ladies, we are not going
to settle things this way.
There's only one honest,
impartial person
on this campus
who can judge who's right.
[mimicking in fast voice]
[mousy voice]
And while I admire your spunk,
Miss Smith, this is a school
built on tradition.
But--
And in this case tradition
favors Miss Hammersmith.
I must say, Whittier,
there's a lot of good,
honest wisdom behind
what the dean has to say.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Sure.
But what about the rules?
Nowhere in the bylaws
does it say
that it has
to be the varsity team
that goes to nationals.
Why can't it be us?
Well, sure. Legally,
technically,
if you, squint
your eyes just right,
the rules say it could be you.
But we're talking about
seven consecutive years
of cheerleading excellence
here.
I'm not gonna
put an end to that.
Miss Hammersmith will
go to nationals.
With all due respect,
Dean Sebastian,
I don't think that's a decision
that will go over well
with the student body.
How do you mean?
I mean, if you suppress
our voices on campus,
you will be hearing from us
in letters
to the board of trustees,
not to mention
the around-the-clock protestors
that will be outside your door.
Okay, okay, okay. We get it.
What the hell do you want?
A competition in front of
the whole student body.
Let them decide who's better,
your team or mine.
-Girl on girl.
-Hmm.
Winner goes to nationals.
[clears throat]
Listen, Whit.
We're good friends, right?
And as a good friend,
I should caution you
that such a competition
could embarrass you severely.
It could destroy
your already-fragile psyche.
Well, that's a risk
I'm willing to take, Tina.
She can't do this, can she?
Actually, Miss Hammersmith,
I think it's a splendid idea.
We'll have a competition.
What?
Thank you.
We'll have a competition
in the field house,
-this coming Saturday.
-What?
-Wait. That's the day
after tomorrow.
-[giggling]
If you'll excuse me, ladies,
I have a lunch date.
We can't be ready by then.
-[Tina] We'll be ready,
Dean Sebastian.
-Yes, you will.
No, this can't be happening.
Oh, yes, it can.
You're the one who asked
for the competition. Good day.
Ready to back out yet?
Are you kidding me?
After the way you treated us?
You know I used
to look up to you?
But that was before
I found out who you are.
An insecure "tanorexic."
Listen to me, you hobbit.
After this idiotic competition
is over
you'll be praying you were me.
You'll be finished
as a cheerleader
and finished here.
I will knock you so far down
you'll be in the cafeteria
with your edgy freak
of a boyfriend, putting grapes
in the Jell-O molds.
-Oh, yeah?
-Mmm-hmm.
Don't be all up in my Kool-Aid.
What does that mean?
[instrumental music playing]
The Stingers hoops team
won their first
exhibition contest 72-54.
And the women's softball squad
dropped both games,
Of a doubleheader
against State A&M.
And now it's time for
the CSC News Eye On Sports.
On location is beat reporter
Colleen Lipman.
Thanks, Colleen.
The campus is in a frenzy
this week,
thanks to the big cheerleading
showdown in the field house
this Saturday.
Go, go, go, go.
Come on, you sissy!
[Colleen] The varsity cheer
team has been vigorously
training for the event.
I'm totally not tired.
Why are y'all so tired?
And State cheerleading legend,
Tina Hammersmith,
is confident about
her team's chances.
This is nothing new to us.
We've defeated
some of the best
intercollegiate competition
ever assembled.
This amateur squad
is just a speed bump
on the way to nationals.
Excusez-moi. One sec.
Let's go! I didn't say stop.
[Colleen] How important is
victory on Saturday?
Oh. It's very important.
It's very important.
It, it's very important.
This is very, very,
I, I cannot tell you
how important this is.
It's a, it's pretty,
pretty important.
Meanwhile,
some people around campus
are starting to dub
the upstart competition
as the Renegades.
Head cheerleader,
Whittier Smith,
insists her squad
is ready to go.
We are definitely going to win.
We've got a great team,
we've worked extremely hard
and it's gonna be tough, but,
you know, Rocky
beat Apollo Creed, right?
-[man] Uh, Whit, he lost.
-He what?
-He lost.
-He lost to Apollo Creed?
[Colleen] To train
for the event,
the Renegades have taken
an unusual approach,
cheering for typically
under-appreciated
teams such as the diving team,
the bowling club
and the fencing squad.
[all] Stab him. Stab him.
Poke him in the eye.
Run the sword through
till his blood runs dry.
En garde!
Well, some people look at
an impossible situation
and ask why.
Others look at the same
situation and ask, why not?
For the competition
on Saturday,
I'm asking myself why.
Why bother? In a billion years
we'll all be obliterated
by a black hole anyway.
There you have it, Colleen.
Back to you.
Thanks, Colleen.
Seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
-[all cheering]
-Yeah!
Shh, shh, shh.
You guys, we can't let anybody
know we're in here.
Really, really good job.
Don't leave any of your stuff.
All right.
Think we're ready?
Well, no one fell tonight.
I'm pretty happy about that.
Um, Whittier,
can I talk to you alone?
Yeah. Francis, what's up?
Uh, I'm gonna level with you.
I'm getting very nervous
about tomorrow. Okay?
And I'm thinking about
violating myself tonight.
It's an actor relaxation
technique.
What I need to know from you
is what does Whittier think?
Is that a bad idea, or...
Well, it really depends.
Uh, would you say violating
yourself usually hurts you
or helps you?
Oh, I'd say it's made me
the actor that I am today.
Okay. Then I would
say hold off.
-Will do, chief.
-Okay.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the blond leading
the bland.
Last minute cram session,
kiddie kiddos?
Why don't you guys
worry about your own team?
That's what a real leader
would do.
Oh. Is that what a real leader
would do?
A real leader wouldn't be
practicing at midnight, Whit.
You can drill a loser
all night long,
and in the morning,
you still got a loser.
Put makeup on a pig,
it's still a pig.
Oink, oink, oink, oink.
You wanna hear our cheer
for tomorrow?
We're ready, we're fit,
we'll smack you
like a little bitch.
Oh-ho. We're tough, we're lean,
step to us and we'll get mean.
Hey, ho, you know.
We'll put you on the flo'.
Dust off your spankies.
Stand up and get some mo'.
Don't cry, don't pout,
don't have yourself a cow.
You're gonna get whupped.
Your mommy can't help you now.
[woman giggles]
Come on. You can do
better than that.
I can do better, bitch.
Let's go.
-Come on.
-Marni, chill.
-Marni.
-No.
Get back here!
We are not finished with this.
Hey, hey! Ow. Okay.
-Watch the face.
-Okay, girls,
slap and tickle time is over.
Oh. Ow! [grunts]
Oh! Right. There you go.
-Ow.
-[groans]
Ow. Ow.
Little, uh, concealer will help
that situation there.
[groans] Tina!
[beep on P.A.]
[woman on P.A.]
Paging Dr. Stateman.
I'm fine, you guys.
Yeah? Can you hold me
up in the air with three
crushed metacarpals?
Of course. Ow! Shit!
We should just call Tina
and forfeit.
Yeah, you know what.
I don't think we have a choice.
I guess tomorrow I'll go back
to doing Phantom of the Opera
in my dorm room. Hmm.
Wait. Hold up, guys. Listen.
Tomorrow we are gonna go
into that field house and
get in front of those students.
And as sure as I'm standing
here right now,
I can assure you that,
That we might suck.
We might totally suck,
but to a real cheerleader,
-it doesn't matter if
you win or lose.
-[door opens]
It only matters if you try
as hard as you can,
if you give it every ounce
of spirit you've got.
So, what do you say?
Who wants to suck tomorrow?
You know what?
If there's one thing I'm good
at in this world,
it's sucking.
-I'm in!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
Why suck if you could not suck?
Because we're missing Francis.
It's gonna be hard.
Well, could you guys use a sub?
You're gonna lose
your scholarship.
Yeah, well, whatever
I lose in financial aid,
I'll gain in testicles!
So I'm in!
[all chattering]
[man] Okay. All right.
Come on. Let's go.
Twenty-five, 26, 27,
28, 29, 30.
More.
More! Oh! Oh! Give me that!
[dance music plays]
Co, Come on
How are you feelin'?
I feel like I wanna smile.
-Good!
-Hey!
-Ow.
-Ooh. You ready
to kick a little?
Bring it!
[mimicking beatbox]
♪ I'm feelin' a little nervous
A little, little nervous ♪
[beatbox]
♪ I really have to pee
Really, really have to pee ♪
Check. Check.
-Check!
-[feedback]
Varsity!
[Tina] Okay. Here we go.
-Here, muskrat! Set!
-[groans]
Don't screw up. Pecs out.
Where's your water bra?
I gave it to you!
Did you bleach your teeth?
Did you shave? God.
Everybody,
find your happy place.
Mmm.
California State College,
are you ready for a showdown?
[cheering]
[man] Colleen, we love you!
First up is your very own
varsity cheerleading squad.
No! [groans]
Let's go! Go, go, go! Let's go!
[woman] Let's go!
Let's go, Stingers! Go,
Stingers!
[all cheering]
Go, Stingers!
[woman] Let's go!
Varsity! Varsity! Varsity!
Let's go, Stingers. Let's go!
[wolf whistle]
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Tina! Tina!
[cheering subsides]
Come on, you guys.
[man] Come on, guys. Let's go!
[man 2] Come on, guys.
[man 1] Let's get
this show started!
[dance music playing]
[crowd cheering]
Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy!
Go, Sammy! Go, Sammy!
[music ends]
[crowd cheering]
[dance music plays]
♪ Let's go ♪
[music continues]
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
[music continues]
♪ Oh, yeah
Here we go ♪
♪ Here we go
H-H-H-Here we go ♪
Yeah!
♪ Uhh, uhh
Go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ R-R-R-Raise your hands
All up in the air ♪
♪ Raise your hands
All up in the air ♪
♪ Raise your hands
Your hands, your hands ♪
[music continues]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh, yeah we know it ♪
♪ We are the best ♪
♪ We, we, we, we
Are, are ♪
♪ The, the, the ♪
♪ Here we go, here we go
Here we go ♪
[cheering]
Yeah! Yeah!
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
Tina! Tina! Tina!
Let's go! Number one!
[cheering continues]
Let's do this.
[cheering subsides]
Next we have a new group.
Please welcome the,
quote, Renegades, unquote.
[chuckling]
[Gregorian chant]
[woman] Nice outfits!
[man] You guys suck!
-[chant continues]
-[man] Monks can't cheer!
[ends]
Welcome, ladies and gents
of all ages.
Feast your eyes
on a "cheergasm" like no man
has seen before.
Hit it.
[dance music plays]
Yeah!
Ooh!
[music continues]
♪ Get crazy ♪
[music continues]
[indistinct]
♪ Crazy ♪
[crowd cheering]
[cheering continues]
[man] Yeah! Whoo!
[cheering continues]
♪ Get crazy
The heat is on ♪
♪ Get crazy
Crazy, crazy, crazy ♪
Stingers!
Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!
-Ow.
-It's cool. Okay.
Yeah! Come on!
Yeah!
-[microphone feedback]
-[laughter]
[woman yelling]
[Sebastian] Damn kids.
-[man] Come on.
-[woman] Let's just do it.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Dean Sebastian.
I want to thank both teams
for putting
on a really wonderful display.
It reminds me
of my student days.
[all groaning]
Of course, back in those days,
the cheers weren't quite
as complicated.
Just tell us the winner,
will you, please?
-Okay.
-Thank you.
The winner, representing
Cal State College,
at the National Cheerleading
Championships...
[man] Come on!
[man 2] Come on!
[crowd muttering]
[woman] Let's go! Come on!
-The Renegades!
-Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
[squealing]
[sobbing]
You are so pathetic!
You're pathetic!
I know you wax your butt!
Do you actually think
your roots are natural?
You are not born with roots!
[gasps]
[squeaky voice] I was too!
-You did it!
-I know!
[shrieks] What'd you think?
You're right. You sucked.
[frustrated groan]
Janice. Towel. Immediately!
Marni. I quit. Immediately.
[gasps]
Excuse me.
-Oh.
-Hi.
Uh, I just wanted
to say nice job.
Your routine was good.
Inconsistent and
a tad pedestrian at times,
but good.
Wow. Thanks. I'm not exactly--
On behalf of the administration
and alumni
I wanna offer you
and your team
the full backing
of the college.
You're our new varsity
cheerleading squad.
It'll be a thrill to work
with the new
"bomb diggity."
Now if you'll excuse me,
ladies,
I have a lunch date.
[exhales]
So, we might need a sub
for nationals.
Really? Wait. Wait.
You and me on the same team?
Of course,
you'd have to audition first.
I don't audition.
Hmm.
Suit yourself.
But maybe I can
come help you out,
you know.
I'll have to check my "sched."
I could bring Marni.
[squeals]
Or not. I never even really
liked her anyways.
It's just,
I was thinking Friday
we could get some "fro-yo,"
do some choreography.
You know, you guys.
[Tina] Whittier,
you have such great hair.
I just, who does your color?
-Marker.
-Hmm.
Uh, S, I expect more, [groans]
Well, she's a sh, sinking ship.
[man] Let's do that again.
Oh, my God!
♪ You're a real tough cookie
With a long history ♪
♪ Of breaking little hearts
Like the one in me ♪
♪ That's okay
Let's see how you do it ♪
♪ Put up your dukes
Let's get down to it ♪
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Why don't you hit me
With your best shot ♪
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
[grunts]
♪ Fire away ♪
♪ You come on with a come-on
You don't fight fair ♪
♪ But that's okay
See if I care ♪
♪ Knock me down
It's all in vain ♪
♪ I get right back
On my feet again ♪
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Why don't you hit me
With your best shot ♪
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Fire away ♪
Who can settle this
and judge it who's right.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes!
That's a cut. Almost had it.
[giggles]
[guitar solo]
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Why don't you hit me
With your best shot ♪
♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ Fire away ♪
Give me an "S-S."
Give me a "T-R." Err!
[grunts]
You know I'm about
to get twisted, baby!
It's really not coming off.
♪ Fire away ♪
Away!
♪ Fire away ♪
Yeah!
♪ Fire away ♪
[Whittier] God, are you losing
your drawers?
Sorry.
♪ Fire away ♪
And cut!
[all cheering]
You just wait till game day.
She'll be perfect.
[imitating Whittier] Oh, she's
gonna be perfect on game day.
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
Shh!
♪ C-Come on ♪
[hip-hop music playing]
[man rapping]
[voice skipping]
[rapping continues]
[indistinct]
[music continues]
♪ C-Come on ♪
♪ Come on ♪